i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
