Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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