Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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