3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
