he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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