I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize