I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
