she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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