my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
