Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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