I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
MIDGETS
????
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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