So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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