I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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