laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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