my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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