Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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