You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
A+ Viking dick
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
