Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
