1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
