Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
