i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
