Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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