things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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