I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
