yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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