I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
