i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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