I want to have your abortion
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
