clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
