last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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