you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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