My room smells like vodka and shame
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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