he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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