oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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