just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
