i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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