i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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