Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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