She is in my trunk
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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