My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
