I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
