just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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