So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
