Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
