i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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