Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
