You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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