How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
