she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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