the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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