tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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