girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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