Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
