I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
