Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
