I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
