my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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