M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
