Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
