as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
