I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
