I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
