Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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