my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
