they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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