How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
