Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
